Otherwise known as, flounder about the unknown trying to find our way towards clarity.
(Remind me to tell you about the Mexico trip one of these days.)
Have to admit enjoying the reprieve created by decisions done.
And ignoring the hints of indecision trying to form a critical
mess mass regarding the third possibility.
I’m glad to have the last Letter to fall back on.
They’re good reminders (aka pokes in the side) as to how messages appear – or don’t.
Have a funny feeling there’s some re-reading in my near future.
Equally important is keeping in mind the plethora of other insights from the roller coaster ride:
1. No is not yes – “yes” and “no” are more like points on a map rather than opposite sides of a coin. Saying yes shortens the distance between where you are and where you want to be. Saying no moves you away from where you are, but not necessarily directly towards where you want to be. Sometimes you zing around and bounce off a lot of bumpers, doing a far too good impression of a pinball machine, before you begin saying successive yeses.
2. If you don’t know, move – when you can’t see or find any answers from where you are, change where you are. Take even the smallest step. Shifting your position opens up a different view with new information. Keep moving, bit by bit, until the pieces start coming together. Don’t look for the end way over there that you can’t see. Watch your next step right here.
3. Deciding is freeing – indecision is stressful. Until you decide, everything is up in the air or weighing on your shoulders. Once you decide, you have a point to move on from or move towards. Direction. There’s a common (mis?)belief that having a business means freedom. Running a business means you get to make your own decisions (sort of). That also means you get to be undecided a whole lot more. (see also 4.)
4. Hidden dangers of default – when mired in indecision, letting default take over as a way out is far too easy. You can do what you’ve always done, go down a path someone else starts to lead you, let the cards fall as they may, run away or shut down. While not making a decision is a decision, it usually doesn’t come with a lot of clarity or movement.
5. Saying no isn’t the same as hearing no – when you say no, the decision comes from a place within and having a certain amount of clarity. When someone says no to you, the power of decision is in their hands, and you agree to accept what they say. You’re asking someone else to make the decision for you and hope for the best.
6. Pressure forces change – one way indecision is resolved is for an external pressure to be applied. Like a deadline, facing loss or regret, or being left behind. Picking something becomes less painful than choosing nothing. In such situations, more at the core of the matter can be revealed, providing a piece of information that leads to movement. Other times, pressure causes freezing and the decision to decide by default. (see also 7.)
7. All decisions aren’t great, most are reversible – decisions made under pressure don’t always reveal what you want. The best thought out decisions don’t always lead to what you want either. You can only know if a decision is good or bad after you’ve made it. Most decisions aren’t set in stone. Backing out of them, however, can take a bit more effort. Which often happens when deciding by default.
8. Mixed adages – there’s not a lot of guidance to be found in the dichotomy of “be in the ease and flow” and “good things don’t come easy” when both feel equally applicable. On the other hand, ease and flow doesn’t mean the absence of work. “Pushing rope” and forcing things to happen is much different than pursuing where you’re being nudge to go. (see also 9.)
9. Give up, then don’t – struggle isn’t fun, but it does make you pay attention. (There’s much to be learned from what works if we paid more attention to it too.) Giving up releases tension and creates space. Just the space you need to catch your breath, see with fresher eyes and paddle around some more. (see also point 2.)
10. Possibility versus practicality – oh how the boundless Heart pulls in directions the pragmatic Mind doesn’t want to tread. Caught in the tug of war between unknown and known, trust and tangible, dreams and reason. Heart stretches Mind and Mind wants to keep Heart safe. Safe, that is, until Clarity steps in to bridge what Heart knows and Mind needs to see in order to loosen up.
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chief nudging officer
Crazy for cats and potatoes, Lorraine's insatiable curiosity of Life leads her to question, explore and push beyond the box. A self-professed "left-brained creative big picture" type, she has an intuitive knack for seeing beyond and beneath first appearances while at the same time nerding out on the details. Most of all she sees and holds others in their highest until they can see it for themselves.